I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
