i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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