Tell her she can't have a vagina
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
