Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
