I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
420 ftw
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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