Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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