soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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