My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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