im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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