I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Girls should come with a carfax report
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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