So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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