I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
