Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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