You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
