I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
