how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
