and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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