hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
