They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
