you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
