My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
