there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
