How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize