Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
