If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
