I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
