Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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