I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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