doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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