i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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