So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
