I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
