i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
