Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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