your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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