She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize