This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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