i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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