Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
