I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
