as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize