i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize