as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
two words...techno handjob
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
