I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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