you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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