Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
