What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
