No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
