Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
