halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
this hospital has no fireball
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
