Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
