Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
