This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
