We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
