the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
