I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
