The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
