I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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