He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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