im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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