I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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