And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
