Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
